L is for...

So I've been doing a lot of thinking.
You know. When you're in the kind of situation that you're maybe not completely with a person yet, but let's say living with them. And you've known them for a while now.
When is it that you know you're in love with them? When is it you know that you're absolutely crazy about a person. Crazy enough to want to be with that person for a hell of a long time, and maybe even that f word (you know, forever). I mean the whole thing is kind of a scary process if you ask me. First you just find yourself thinking about that person. And not just thinking about them sometimes, but all the time. Thinking about everything about them. Then you start to kind of lose control over your feelings. You start to get emotional. That's when your heart comes into play. You just feel so much better with that person around, as if nothing could go wrong. You love to just be around them, cuddling, holding hands, the whole 9 yards. The cute stages, as we could call them. Then you start to actually get attached. You don't really want anyone else to come along, and even if someone was to come along, it's not like you'd even give them the time of day. You're infatuated. And it's a beautiful thing. It really is. But then comes the real stuff. You know.. Realizing you really want this person to always be in your life. Seeing that it truly is a simple happiness, just having them around. Being able to just be yourself and be that way around them. You start to think all of these crazy thoughts about the future, and it's like you don't know what to do. You don't know how to confront your own thoughts, because sometimes it just feels silly. You don't want to say too much, but you don't want it to be like you're holding anything back. It's sort of a catch-22 at this stage. It's like, what would the future really hold without that person in it. It just doesn't seem right. And you don't know how to say that and you don't know what to do. It's so much all at once, so many feelings. And when you start to get so many feelings all at once, it's like you know that there's nothing you can really do about it.
And see that's what I love. I love the feeling of not being able to control how I feel about something, or in this case, someone. It's amazing how many different emotions could just come out of something that started out so simple. It's kind of like, I just love, being in love. And it's not just being in love that I have grown to feel so great about. It's being in love with that one person that you know is just so perfect for you.
I mean sure. I get doubts all the time. Not doubts about how I feel, because my mind and my heart are completely set on that. It's just that sometimes it seems so great, so wonderful, that I feel like I don't know. Maybe something is not so great. Sometimes I feel like he could do better, or that he KNOWS he could do better. These thoughts are totally just random things that pop into my head from time to time. Although, it's enough for me to worry, for me to be insecure. When you love someone THAT much, and you feel like they are just so perfect, you wonder if you're good enough. I mean, maybe not all people wonder that. But I know I do for sure. I'm such a passionate person sometimes that it all just overwhelms me, and it's scary. But like I said, I love being in love. With him.

And see, that's when I think you know that you're in love. When you start to trust how you feel, and let everything just set it's own course. When you just close your eyes, and sit back for the ride. And I know this because that's what I've done. And I know, that I love him.




P.S. This was me just rambling so I'm sorry if nothing makes sense :]

Unanswered Questions Pt 1.

Why does it feel like when the people you love the most hurt your feelings, it's like, the whole word just breaks. Everything from your heart to the sky. Nothing seems to feel okay. Maybe they don't realize just how much it hurts. Maybe because they don't know what they do to hurt you. Things like just being confused, can hurt so damn bad. But loving someone can make you feel in funny ways. Right now I'm just stuck. I don't know what to think or say, or how to act. I'm just hurt. By someone who didn't even mean to hurt me. Who probably doesn't even know he really did.
Why is it that the people you love most, can tear you up for the littlest while, and they don't even know it?

The way it seems..

Lately finding even the slightest bit of inspiration is coming few and far between. It's starting to feel like there is nothing in the world to write about. No opinions left to give. But yet I've still got a lot to say. I have so many things going on in my head, as well as my life. In the past six months, things seem to be working out for me, in my favor. I'm still not completely used to it. I've got so many things I want to see and do, and yet I feel held back. By what? I'm not sure. Maybe my goals are a little to big, maybe it's all just wishful thinking. But if it was all just something that is never supposed to happen, then why does not having it hurt so bad?
Maybe it's not about just wanting something..
Maybe it's about pushing yourself. Seeing just how far you'll go to get exactly what you want. Maybe it's about doing things for you, and seeing if it's REALLY what you want. I mean why not try everything once. It's all a big elimination process, seeing what YOU are really about. Picking and choosing and pushing through things to see who YOU really are. You never know how things will end up until you try. And it's all worth a try, right? Just find what's best for you, what suits you, and stick with it. You can't go wrong with what's meant to be. And lately,
I feel like this kind of life was meant for me.
Or atleast, that's the way it seems.